So, the week leading up to this weekend was one full of existential crises, if I may be completely candid.
It was the usual doubt that I face as an artist - indeed, many artists feel similar doubt - compounded by the fact that this project is supposed to be a capstone of everything that I've learned in my 4 years at USC, and the fact that I couldn't figure it out was anguish to me.
However, some time around Thursday argument, I began putting the pieces of what I had shattered earlier back together; though in this reconstruction, however, I began to reconfigure said pieces into new an interesting ways.
Rather than dual game system, for instance, I can take inspiration from the VHS games of the 90's and recontextualize this with the interactive videos of Eko.
Rather than creating characters for the players to encounter, I can have them put themselves in the situation.
Rather than focusing solely on the fight for survival, I can focus on how the crisis brought together disparate communities, and how every victory for the LGBT community was fought for by them and them alone.
Rather than making my physical component a board game, I can make it a puzzle game with cards, where one has to stitch together random bits of history like a quilt.
Rather than focusing on horror, I can focus on the fight for dignity.
From these "rather thans", I can piece together a new thesis, one that is stronger than before. It might have taken me a few freak-outs to get here, but now, I feel sharper and more confident than ever.
Now, I can build.